If Facebook staffers opt to move in to work, they’ll be getting a very sweet deal out of it: the Anton Menlo project includes all the comforts of suburbia and college combined. What 20-something engineer wouldn’t want to live in a walled compound?

Planning documents obtained by Valleywag detail the amenities some employees will soon enjoy: an area called “The Quad” with flowering trees, fountains, and “light effects.” A “backyard” rec zone with bocce ball, pool, cabanas, and BBQ pits. Of course, there’s an area for dogs, and an outdoor kitchen. To really finesse that You’ve been removed from the rest of society vibe, a six-foot wall surrounds most of the project.

Work is only five minutes away—and thanks to mediocre or non-existent public transit options, no one from The Outside will be able to easily visit. It’ll be like you never existed on Earth before joining Facebook.

* Facebook Think is Correct Think.
Now a division of Umbrella Corporation

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Inspired in part by the “ugly t-shirt,” a garment dreamed up by William Gibson that would provide invisibility to CCTV surveillance, Niquille thinks of her shirts as “facial recognition dazzle,” referring to a unique brand of camouflage employed by ships in World War I. Pioneered by artist Norman Wilksinson, dazzle camouflage involved covering warships in conflicting geometric patterns to throw off an enemy combatant’s ability to gauge their speed, range, size and heading. “The shirts attempt a similar strategy. They won’t keep your face from being recognized, but they will offer distraction,” he explains. Their real-world efficacy, Niquille says, depends on how baggy the shirt is on the wearer: the tighter the better for giving Facebook’s software something to zero-in on.

* for those playing at home, the idea of the magic sigil tee in Zero History was contributed by Bruce Sterling. It doesn’t get much more #cyberpunkfuturepresent than this ugly tee.

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Borgchic @newtgingrich

#4. Diplomatic relations are opened with your rival Feudal Stack Overlords at Facebook, for the free flow of goods and services.

Newt appears to be offering himself for the role, shown here promoting Google Glass to Republican 2.0 set on Facebook’s recently acquired hipstergram territory.

Borgchic @newtgingrich

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A study Toma conducted this year found that admiring one’s own Facebook profile has palpable self-affirming effects, and that people naturally gravitate to Facebook for a boost when their ego has been knocked. Her unwitting participants were asked to carry out a public speaking task, only to receive crushingly negative feedback. Half of the subjects were allowed to peruse their own Facebook profiles before receiving the feedback, and this group turned out to be way less defensive than the others. Instead of accusing their evaluator, for example, of incompetence, they said: “Yeah, there’s some truth to this feedback. Maybe there are things I can do to improve my performance.”

Toma asked yet more participants to give the same speech, only this time she gave them either neutral or terrible reviews. They were then presented with a choice of five (fake) further studies to take part in – one involving logging on to Facebook, and four decoys. “We were excited to find,” she says, “that when participants’ egos were threatened, they chose Facebook at twice the rate than the others” – evidence of what she calls “an unconscious mechanism to decide to repair feelings of self worth. This is why people spend more time on Facebook after a hard day or something bad happening – because it reassures you that you’re connected, that you have interesting activities and hobbies, photographs, etc.”

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